


Time To Say Goodbye.

by TheDarkestMindWithin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Closure, Gen, Heartbreak, Past Relationship(s), Pregnant Rey (Star Wars), Scars, Snippets, Unrequited Love, Weddings, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-08-28 06:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16718281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkestMindWithin/pseuds/TheDarkestMindWithin
Summary: Jessika Pava attends her ex-fiancé's wedding and the night takes an unexpected turn.





	Time To Say Goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> Meant to be part of a serious but who tf knows what it is until then
> 
> Without a Beta.

* * *

_Jessika._

I shouldn't be here, yet I am. Despite it not being my place, despite everything, I'm still clinging on.

I stare at him with teary eyes as he laughs with his brother and holds his bride close. His _wife._

I sip my wine but I choke on the taste, I choke on everything here. I should be the one in the white dress, beaming with happiness, surrounded by friends and family. But instead she is, because she's the one able to fix him.

I down my wine viciously at the thought, wrapping my arm around myself and holding my waist tightly as I put my glass down on the nearest table I can find. Ben is still there, laughing and holding his wife as they talk to various well-wishers, my stomach twists as I watch them.

"Pava?" I recognise her voice immediately, I would never forget it truthfully, it's soft and shocked, unlike how I always remember her. I gather my strength and turn on my heel to face Rose Tico.

"Tico." I smile, my mask is back on, I am no longer the heartbroken, disgraced and jilted ex-fiancée I am the old friend come to say hello, just like Rose and everyone else here from Ben's old life.

"I can't believe you're here! It's been so long - I didn't see you at the ceremony - ?" Rose rushes out as she throws an arm around me and holds my body to hers. I hug her back with less enthusiasm and smile as she steps back from our embrace, she's shocked to see me and I'm shocked to see her.

I suppose you can never truly escape your history, no matter how hard you might try.

Rose Tico hasn't changed, she's still bubbly and warm. She doesn't care for politics of situations, she's thankful that I am still in one piece and I'm thankful for that too.

"I can't believe it's you!" She murmured shaking her head a little with her words, after pleasantries had been exchanged, I smile because that's all I can do to keep from sobbing into her arms.

"It's been so long, you're going to have to fill me in on everything's that's been going on with you!" Rose beamed as she dragged me back to her table as our attention was called for cake cutting and the groom's speech.

She didn't asked about him and I was thankful she didn't. Rose always knew whether or not to ask after someone.

There were several people sitting at Rose's table already, and the majority of them I recognised.

Poe Dameron, a face that hadn't changed except for a few more grey hairs and lines around his eyes, still just as attractive as he had been only a few years ago. It felt like longer, so much longer. Sitting besides him, draped over his arm with a beaming grin on her face, Kaydel Connix.

She'd changed, rounder in her face with longer hair and looser posture, better, that's what she is now. Better than what she had been.

"Damn." The soft utterance that escaped Poe's lips upon seeing me drawing attention from the rest at the table, Rose giving me a reassuring smile as she sat besides Poe and I sat besides her.

"Jessika Pava, now I _know_ I've seen everything." Poe whistles as he gives me a smile that I hadn't known how much I'd missed until it was presented to me again.

Conversation flowed easily for a few moments before we were shushed by Kylo and Ben gave a beaming smile as he pushed himself to his fit, his bride'a hand squeezing his as he looked around the room.

Eyes falling from one face to another.

"Friends and family, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here today. Truthfully I didn't think I would ever see this day come true," Ben looked down at his bride who, with tears in her eyes, took his hand in hers and squeezed it comfortingly, I felt Rose's brush her fingers over the back of my hand.

A silent 'I'm here for you.' Ben continued with his speech, one hand with a champagne flute and one hand holding his bride's delicate hand.

He stares down at her and I notice everything suddenly, she's glowing and she's not drinking, she's holding her husband's hand but she's not holding a drink. She's holding her belly.

I feel sick as he looks back to his audience.

"I never thought the day would come that I would be shown a silver rattle and told I would be a Father." His voice cracks and it takes a few moments everyone to understand what he has said, everyone except me.

"So, to my family, I thank them for their unfaltering love. To my friends for their endless support and to my wife and my daughter," Rey stands besides Ben, cheeks flushed and tears in her eyes as his hand leaves his stick in favour of touching her only-just-visible bump.

"I thank you for staying by my side." His voice is quieter as he says it, overcome with emotion. Everyone cheers as she clings to his body and there are people crying and clapping as they kiss, delicate and chaste, as I stand from my chair and head towards the hotel lobby, Rose doesn't follow.

She knows when not to follow.

I go into my hotel room, there are little gifts and special touches especially laid out in celebration of Ben and Rey's marriage, a small photo of the happy couple staring into each others eyes and several gifts.

I want to smash every piece up and scream but instead I sink into the bed and stare at my neatly manicured nails, a baby pink that reminds me of Ben's words ' _daughter_.'

He'd always wanted a daughter. A little girl to spoil rotten. I smile at the memory as fresh tears fall down my cheeks.

It was meant to be _our_ daughter he was going to spoil rotten. I sob into my hands as I fail to catch my breath.

I shouldn't have come, shouldn't have thought-

Someone knocks on the hotel room door and I want to scream for them to leave but I couldn't bring myself to form the words.

I instead remain on the bed and wait for them to leave.

"Jessika?" My breath catches in my throat as he murmurs my name. It's been so long since I had heard him say it.

"Jess, if you're in there, lemme in?" He knocks with his words, knuckles on heavy wood as I wipe my eyes and take deep breaths. He'll leave before long. I feel myself slowly calming down.

"I only wanna have a word, Jess, I had no idea you were even coming." Ben continued, soft and sad, he made himself sound genuinely sorry. He always sounded sorry, towards the end. I steadied my breathing after a little while, Ben still waiting outside the door, knocking softly every now and then, soft and patient.

"We need to talk, Jess, you can't just act like you're fine." Ben murmured as I heard something fall to the ground with a soft thud, probably Ben moving to sit so he could wait for longer in comfort, I cursed his familiar stubbornness. I knew he wouldn't leave but that didn't mean he didn't want to.

"I'm sorry. If I had known you were coming we would _never_ have announced her so publicly." Ben murmured as my strength to ignore him weakened. _'Her'_ not _'it,'_ or _'them'_ just _'her.'_ I let a few more fresh tears fall before I brought myself to my feet, breathing deeply as I took a step closer to the door.

My fingers wrap around the door handle as I hear Ben shuffling outside. Waiting.

"You should be with your wife, Ben." I murmured as I pulled the door open, holding the frame for strength as Ben stood in the hallway.

He looked awkward standing there, like a little kid sent to the principals office for getting into trouble.

His hair was no longer the buzzed uniform but instead messy waves falling down to his shoulders, his posture had less tension to it, relaxed shoulders.

He stood like my Ben. Unchanged and still just a kid.

Changed so little and then I saw the ways he wasn't my Ben anymore.

The stick he used now to help him stand, the thick scars running over his face, dragging only a fraction of his mouth down, barely noticeable if you didn't know him before it had been there.

I stare and I forget that he's standing out in the open and I'm not.

He stares and knows he's in the open.

"I want to talk." He says, voice different from how he used to talk to me and I don't blame him for it.

I swallow and let him into the hotel room he and his new wife paid for. I sit back on the bed and he stands in front of me.

His prosthetic leg clunks a little louder than his actual foot.

I'm thankful I didn't destroy the room.

"Can I get you anything?" I offer although we both know he won't take anything. He never did and he never will.

"No." He shakes his head and his voice has changed again. It's growing hard, the voice he used to use when he was going to get upset.

"I'm sorry." I blurt out without thinking anymore, I need to let this out, need Ben to hear my words and understand.

I don't want to fight him.

"Don't be." He murmured, shutting his eyes as if he wants to cry but he's just trying to keep his emotions in check, I shake my head at him. No, I won't be silenced.

"I left and-" Ben shook his head and opened his eyes, he stared at me with attention.

"No, Jess, I didn't leave you any other choice." He was soft now, urging me to be something I couldn't.

"I abandoned you." I shook my head again, urging him now to understand why I was sorry.

"You had to get out." A statement. Blameless words.

"I cheated." I needed him to hate him, otherwise what would be the point?

"I'll never blame you for it." Ben said, the truth of his words making my heart heavy.

"I should have been there for you, Ben, not-" My voice wavered and I wanted to rip my throat out for being so weak.

"No, Jessie, I would have destroyed you if you had stayed." Ben said it like he's a monster. I scoffed and shook my head at him.

"She doesn't look so destroyed." I didn't mean to sneer but I couldn't control myself.

"I wasn't as bad when I met her." Ben lied, his eyes on mine as he waited to see if I took his lie. The lie he told to bring me peace.

"Bastard." I whisper gently as tears fall down both our cheeks. This is the end.

"You don't have to be sorry anymore, Jessika." Ben murmurs and it breaks my heart that, even after all this time, he still only wants me to be okay.

"I did so many things- If I could-" My voice crumbles and breaks and he wraps me in his arms and shushes me.

I should never have come back.

"Jessie, Jessie, it's okay, you're going to be okay. You haven't ruined anything." I shook with my sobs.

"I have! I have! I ruined us! I ruined our-" I couldn't bring myself to say it, couldn't ever bring myself to say it. I sobbed harder and clung to Ben as if that was fair.

None of this was fair.

"Ben-?" I pulled back from his chest when I heard her voice. I knew her voice even if I had only heard it for the first time today.

I would never be able to forget her voice. The voice of the woman who was able to fix Ben Solo.

"Is she okay?" Genuine concern filtered her voice as I heard her feet step closer to the two of us as I hung my head in shame and sobbed into my hands.

Ben's hand rubbing circles into my back burnt my skin with memories of a time he used to do it when I was sick.

Did he do it for Rey when she was sick? The idea made my stomach roll.

"Jessika, sweetie, I've called Finn, he's coming to get you." Rey meant to comfort me but it made me cry harder. I'd ruined things.

"Oh, sweetie, it's okay, shh." I fell into her arms and all I could think about was my mascara running and ruining her dress.

"I'll get some water." Ben offered, his voice sounding strained and different than before. Before he heard Finn's name.

"Just take deep breaths, nice and steady. Weddings, they wouldn't be right if the bride didn't have some sobbing woman in her arms." Rey joked as I clung to her  tighter now that we were alone.

"I've ruined your big day." I whimpered as I wiped my eyes of tears, Rey laughed without humour.

"No worst than Ky getting off his face with Hux ten minutes before the ceremony started. No worst than my good-for-nothing Uncle trying to break Ben and me up this morning. Believe me, you're actually not that bad." Rey smile don't as she brushed her delicate fingers through my hair, I hugged at her and sniffed.

"I guess I should try harder." I joked earning a genuine laugh from Rey this time.

"It's my fault, that you're here, I thought it would be a good idea to invite you, Ben wasn't keen, but I never listen." Rey explained softly as she contained petting my hair.

I didn't feel angry with her confession, she hadn't meant any harm by it.

"He doesn't listen either." I said, pulling myself up to sit besides Rey, we smiled to ourselves.

"No, I suppose he doesn't." Rey smiled as she stroked hair from my face once more before letting out a long sigh.

"I think we should go find out where Ben's got to, a glass of water shouldn't really take this long." Rey winked as she gingerly got to her feet, brushing out her dress as I followed her to my feet.

"But first," Rey took my hand and walked me to the ensuite.

"There's just a few little things that need retouching." She smiled as I followed her instruction to sit on the closed toilet seat as she damped a washcloth and began neatening up whatever had happened to my face until she was satisfied with her work.

"I think we have time for a drink before Finn gets here." Rey said as she walked us out of my room and back towards the party. We found Ben on the way.

Sitting on marble stairs leading into another lavish set of rooms with Kylo passed out on his lap.

"See? Definitely not the worst." Rey smiled as she nudged my shoulder with hers as I couldn't help but to laugh at Kylo who would look as if he was deadpool id it wasn't for the deep snores that escape his lips.

"Jess-" I shook my head at Ben and stepped closer to him, bending down and wrapping my arms around him delicately.

"I'll call you." I promised, taking a shaky breath as I laid one last chaste kiss to his lips and stepped back, looking back at Rey who remained silent as Ben nodded and remained silent also.

"Jessika! God! I came as quickly as I could!" Finn came tumbling into the scene as he wrapped me up into his arms, heavy pants falling over my skin as he took in my somewhat recovered appearance and then the scene around us.

"Shit." He gaze landed on Ben who regarded him silently.

"Finn, take me home?" I asked, clinging to him as he tore his gaze from Ben and nodded, already walking away as I looked back at Rey and Ben one final time.

It was time to say goodbye. Time to let him go.

The weight lifted from my shoulders as I walked away from them, away with Finn.

For the final time.


End file.
